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Whether they’re in a relationship or enjoying an intimate moment with a new lover, many women have faked the big O. Was it because they wanted to give their partner positive feedback, even when the pleasure wasn’t really there? Or was it too early for them to relax with their partner? Or did they just want to get the deed over and done with? There are many reasons why women might feel the need to fake an orgasm.

It’s true there is a stigma around men’s need to get off being the priority over women’s pleasure, which can be perceived as secondary and therefore dismissed by both partners.

With male pleasure normalised by scenes in movies and TV, it is only in recent times that a female masturbation has even been shown in mainstream entertainment. The porn industry also depicts unrealistic sex scenes, with both male and female actors portraying pleasure with loud, over-the-top moans.

So, where does this leave women? Faking orgasms when they deserve to be feeling it for real. The first step is to communicate what they really need and desire.

It’s also important to remember that failure to orgasm doesn’t automatically equate to bad sex.

Whether either party climaxes once, multiple times or not at all shouldn’t diminish the intimacy experience.  

If we remove the looming pressure of getting off and put the focus back on each other and getting intimate, great things can occur:

  • Orgasming might come easier as there is freedom to relax in and enjoy the experience instead of focusing on the outcome.
  • Exploring pleasure with your partner can open many treasure troves of satisfaction without needing to tick a box.
  • You take control over the experience and decide when you’re satisfied. When we are comfortable, and in control of our pleasure, we often find it easier to cum.
  • An interesting study from the Archive of Sexual Behaviour found that women who are uncomfortable saying the word ‘clitoris’ are more inclined to fake orgasms. Perhaps being more relaxed about our sexual anatomy can lead to feeling more sexually relaxed in general.

Whatever the reason for faking Os, when all parties commit to shared and equal pleasure, consent and communication in the bedroom, the experience becomes better for everyone (a little lube never hurts either).