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Whether you loudly and proudly identify as bisexual, asexual, straight, etc., for others it may not be so easy to wear a badge. Some people can define their sexuality from a young age and others can’t (or don’t want to!), putting pressure on yourself to fit neatly in one box, or wear one badge isn’t worth it.

As we grow up, our sexualities can evolve with us as we experience more of life and learn about ourselves. It’s important to remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation of your sexuality. Who you like, love or sleep with is no one else’s business unless you chose to share it.

If you are struggling with your sexuality or feel as though you are not being accepted and supported by your family or friends, head to the link below to find resources near you.

Beyondblue.org.au

  1. Always start with consent

Gaining enthusiastic consent for every sex act you engage in is essential to creating a comfortable, communicative and safe environment for yourself and your partner. Enthusiastic content is the presence of a “yes” not just the absence of a “no”.

Sex means different things for different people. Whatever your sexual orientation or gender identity, penetration (with a penis, fingers or a toy) is not the be-all and end-all of sex. You can have great sex with a partner that includes only external stimulation and if you both like it that way, don’t feel pressure to include penetration.

Orgasms are complicated and often never the same twice. Lots of different things can affect your ability to cum, especially if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself or your partner to get there. Focus on being present and enjoying yourself first, the rest will come.

Sexuality isn’t always black and white. It can take time to develop as you grow and experience more of life. Don’t feel like you have to fit neatly in a box.

Of course, sex can be great without any added extras but don’t be shy to get your favourite toy involved. And if you don’t have a favourite yet, do some research! It might be the key to unlocking a new level of fun.

  1. SKYN® Vibes

This dual-tipped personal massager was made for simultaneous internal and external stimulation. Its curved shape and rounded end will be sure to hit all the right spots.

Made for someone with a penis, this soft silicone masturbatory egg is super stretchy and ribbed for maximum pleasure.

Caress’s vibrating open ends mimic the feeling of oral stimulation so you can enjoy oral sex even when you’re on your own.

 Use it as a finger massager during foreplay and as a vibrating ring during intercourse or masturbation.

With 7 different vibration modes, this soft silicone vibrating bullet with deep textured ridges packs a punch.

Talking of bullets, meet the Thrill. This three-speed vibrator proves you don’t need to be complicated to get the job done (very well). 

This battery-powered bullet vibrator paired with velvety-smooth SKYN® Sensual Touch massage gel is the perfect pleasure combo.

There’s something for everyone on your naughty list at LifeStyles®.

Let’s start off simple. If you watch porn, read erotic novels, or just have an amazing imagination when masturbating, is there a common denominator in the genre, themes, or ideas that you enjoy? If yes, that may be the key to finding your first fantasy.

Now that you’ve uncovered a common theme in what makes you horny, it’s time to think about how (and if) you want to carry it through into real life. Broaching the subject with others may seem daunting but start the conversation with your sexual partner(s) and encourage them to do the same. It’s important to make sure everyone feels comfortable and are well-informed enough to give enthusiastic consent.

It’s important to remember though, that sometimes a fantasy is better for what it is, just a fantasy. If you think it will do more for you as a figment of your imagination, you don’t have to make it a reality. Whatever you decide to do, your unlocked fantasies are for you to enjoy. Click here to check out our condoms, intimate gels and toys to help you on your way.

A big part of foreplay is physical touch, so a great way to spice things up is by introducing something tactile into the mix. Using a feather to gently graze over your partners body, for example, stimulates the senses and arouses feelings of pleasure. Similarly, the smooth texture of ice cubes, plus their obvious chilling sensation, can be exhilarating for all.

We know, it sounds messy, but if you don’t feel like making a splash with chocolate sauce or whipped cream, why not try your favourite fruits or lollies? You can start by feeding each other and graduate to eating off each other’s bodies – the possibilities are endless.

We’ve all seen these in movies, but have you ever actually tried them out? Foreplay dice can be a great addition to your pre-sex game as they do all the thinking for you. Usually, you’ll be working with two (or more) dice: one has a bunch of body parts and the other sexy instructions. All you have to do is roll them and do as they say, simple.

Don’t let the big, wide world of BDSM scare you. Okay, it can scare you a bit, but no pain ever came from a pair of fluffy handcuffs and a whip, right? Jokes aside, BDSM can seem very intimidating, but you don’t have to jump all in straight away. And you definitely don’t need any fancy equipment. To start with try experimenting with tying each other up using things you already have, belts, ribbons, just make sure you’re communicating well and both enjoying the ride. We encourage you to exercise your discretion according to your comfort, safety and communication.

Click here to check out our condoms, intimate gels and toys to help you on your way. Now, go try something new!

  1. Erotic novels

Never underestimate the power of the written word. Erotic literature is an ancient and powerful tradition that, in its modern form, can be an effective and immersive alternative to mainstream porn. If the thought of getting off to sensual prose tickles your fancy, there are many different subgenres, story arcs and book series you can sink your teeth into. Whether you like a period drama peppered with steamy romance or a BDSM best-seller à la 50 Shades of Gray, we are sure there’s something out there to light your fire.

What’s better than someone whispering sweet nothings in your ear? If reading doesn’t do it for you, there are plenty of online resources for you to start your horny audio journey.

If you and another consenting person love to sext, make the most of it! Think of the sexts you receive like short erotic novellas written just for you. And if your partner isn’t the wordsmith you need to get your blood pumping, why not try writing them for you partner – coming up with the perfect sexts to turn them on, may just do it for you too.

If the mainstream porn sites are a little too male-gazey for you there are plenty of alternatives that offer ethical, considered and downright sexy porn videos that are curated for the female gaze. Sites like Bellesa are a wonderful alternative to the likes of PornHub.

Sometimes you’ve just got to strip it back to the basics, close your eyes and let your imagination run wild. It can be difficult to get going with your thoughts alone but used in combination with any of the worthy alternatives mentioned above, you can create the perfect porn experience curated for you.

Whatever form of pornography you choose, orgasms are always made better with lube. Check out our range of Lubricants & Massage Gels to get you in the mood.

  1. Lubrication is your best friend

The anus is not self-lubricating. So, no matter how turned-on you feel, you will still need ample lubrication before attempting anal sex. Intimate gel is essential in helping to prevent tearing of the delicate skin inside the anus. Silicone-based gels are the best (and highly recommended) to use for anal sex as they are super long-lasting.

Of course, the risk of pregnancy for those with uteruses is eliminated when having anal sex, but the risk of transmitting or contracting sexually transmitted infections is still very real for everyone. All the usual suspects; chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea and HIV are all possible risks with anal sex, so make sure you stay protected by always using a condom.

Now, if you’ve never explored any form of anal play, you may be slightly more concerned about what could come out than what’s going in. You might feel the need to do a thorough clean of the outer area before jumping to it (recommended) but you don’t have to douche if you don’t want to. According to Healthline, “Your rectum is a marvelous thing that’s designed to keep poop up high until it’s time to have a bowel movement.”, so there you go!

As with anything new, taking this slowly is always the best approach. It’s essential to give and gain consent before practicing anal sex in any form (anus/penis, anus/mouth, anus/fingers, anus/sex toy). Making sure you and your partner(s) are happy and comfortable leads to a better experience for everyone. Plenty of foreplay can help you to relax and feel ready for what’s to come.

The anus has an abundance of nerve endings, making it very sensitive to touch and stimulation. With plenty of intimate gel, patience and communication, anal sex can be a very pleasurable experience for everyone involved, so make sure to have fun with it!

Remember to always obtain enthusiastic consent before engaging in any sexual activity.

Sources:

Nookie @ Dating Kinky, Today In Butts: Are Rectums Self-Lubricating?, Dating Kinky <https://datingkinky.medium.com/today-in-butts-are-rectums-self-lubricating-bcf882ec68d1>

 Does anal sex have any health risks?, NHS < https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/does-anal-sex-have-any-health-risks/>

Santos-Longhurst, A. (2019, December 13) A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Douching, Healthline <https://www.healthline.com/health/anal-douche>

Dunkin, M, A. (2021, October 20) Anal Sex Safety: What to Know, WebMD

<https://www.webmd.com/sex/anal-sex-health-concerns>

Sex is painful the first time.

Sex, like many things, is about communication. Making sure you and your partner are on the same page before engaging in intercourse is fundamental to a good time. Go slow, ease into it and make sure you are feeling very horny and 100% ready to minimise the level of discomfort.

Pulling out is safe.

Totally untrue. Pulling out is not safe and not recommended as your only form of contraception.  Not to mention it offers absolutely no protection from sexually transmitted infections. According to Planned Parenthood, 1 in 5 people who use the pull-out method get pregnant every year.

“Condoms don’t fit me”

Don’t fall for it. If a person with a penis is telling you that condoms don’t fit them, you have our full permission to tell them that no one’s dick is that big, especially not theirs. Not only are condoms very stretchy, they also come in a multitude of sizes to fill all comfortably.

Sex has to be penetrative to pass on STIs

Nope, not even close to true. There are many sex acts that are non-penetrative that have to ability to transmit STIs through bodily fluids. Whether it’s mouth to genitals, genitals to genitals or even just hand stuff, it’s important that you get tested regularly to avoid passing STIs to your partners.

Sex is the most important part of a relationship.

This is often not the case for many couples. Although sex is fun (if you want to have it) and can be a wonderful expression of love (but also it can just be for fun) it isn’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship. Affection and emotional intimacy with a partner can take many forms and external pressure to always be having the most and the best sex is damaging and unrealistic. Whether you’re having sex every day (multiple times a day?) or are one of the hundreds of thousands of asexual people in Australia, don’t put pressure on yourself.

Sources:

How effective is pulling out?, Planned Parenthood <https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-effective-is-withdrawal-method-pulling-out>

Kassel, G. (2021, September 15) Yes, You Can Contract an STD Without Having Penetrative Sex, Healthline <https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/can-you-get-an-std-without-having-sex#sexual-transmission>

Overview, The Asexual Visibility and Education Network <https://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html>

Well, for many people the pleasures of sex are still taboo. So, in the interest of baby steps, why not bring up the sex toys with your partner, and once that conversation is broached we promise you’ll feel much more comfortable reaching into your bedside drawer for your favourite vibe.

If you love using toys when going solo, we think there’s a great argument to be made for using toys with your current bedfellow(s). But if you’re a toy virgin, there’s no time like the present to try it out and see what works.

People tend to think that vibrating toys are exclusively for those with a clitoris – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are many places on many different types of bodies that will love the sensation of a vibrating toy. Whether it’s a vibrating bullet, a dual-tipped massager or an oral sex simulator, these stimulating toys can be used on erogenous zones all over your and your partner’s bodies both in the lead up and during sex. Or, if that’s jumping the gun, why not try a vibrating body massager on non-erogenous zones to familiarize yourself and get comfy with the toy first.

When pleasuring a person with a penis, placing any vibrator against the perineum, anus, testicles or frenulum (that small band of highly sensitive skin that connects the head of the penis to the shaft on the underside) is a sure-fire way to get the juices flowing. As well as lesser-known erogenous zones that still need some love; armpits, lips, lower back, hands.

For those with a vulva, of course, there’s the clitoris. But beyond that, why not try the nipples, anus, inner thigh, neck, feet… the list goes on.

But the fun doesn’t stop at vibrating devices. Toys like dildos, cock rings and masturbatory eggs can also be great additions to the bedroom.

Communication is key to great sex, so start the discussion with your partner(s) and let the good times roll. We’ve partnered with SKYN to bring you all the toys you could ever need, check out the SKYN® toys now.

Sources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erogenous-zones#and-12-more-below-the-belt

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19983318/erogenous-zones-for-men/

If you’re stuck in a rut of always reaching for regular, keep reading.

Thin condoms

It’s all in the name. Thin condoms are, well, thinner than the regular., thin condoms allow for more sensation for the wearer. Our Ultra Thin, for example, uses micro-thin technology to deliver maximum sensitivity while still being strong and dependable. Our LifeStyles® Zero® Über Thin Condoms are our thinnest condom, offering you that skin-on-skin feel whilst keeping you and your partner(s) protected.

Textured condoms

Ribbed, dotted, studded, snake skin – pick your fighter! Experimenting with different textured condoms is a simple yet effective way to add some spice to the bedroom. Made to enhance sexual pleasure through raised patterns in the latex, textured condoms work by stimulating the nerve endings within the vagina or anus. Across our LifeStyles® Party Mix, Ultimate Pleasures and Assorted Condoms packs, we have an array of textures to choose from.

Flavoured condoms

Protect yourself from STIs while performing oral sex? Enjoy the delicious taste of sonic berry while doing so? Count us in! Flavoured condoms, whilst totally fun, are also just as practical and can be used for both oral sex and penetrative sex.

Large, Regular and Closer fit condoms

If fancy flavours and textures aren’t your forte, don’t stress! There’s nothing wrong with liking the classics. Our large, regular and closer fit condoms are all made for comfort. Each has a smooth surface and are of average thickness but vary in nominal width from 56mm to 53mm to 49mm, so you can find your perfect fit.

Whether you can count all your sexual partners on one hand or you have a detailed logbook of each past lover, it’s never too late to explore yourself and find out what you like. If you want to improve your sex life, the first steps come from within.

Just like you wouldn’t plunge into a freezing bathtub, you’ve got to warm your waters first. Everyone talks about the importance of foreplay but are you really giving yourself enough time to heat up? Probably not. Masturbation can help you figure out exactly what turns you on whether it’s pornography, an erotic novel or nipple play you can take this newfound knowledge to your next hook-up.

Getting comfortable with what floats your boat when going solo will also give you more confidence to voice what you like when with a partner. Being able to describe what you want will not only lead to a more pleasurable experience for yourself but for your lover as well. Many people get off knowing that they are adequately pleasing their sexual partner by doing what feels best for them.

Whilst knowing how to drive a manual is always useful, there’s no shame in turning to an automatic every now and again. It can be difficult to get there with your hands alone and trying out different toys until you land on what works best is a significant part of self-love for many. Once you’ve found your ride-or-die don’t be afraid to introduce it in the bedroom.

Ultimately, listening to yourself makes you better at hearing others. Once you’ve got to the point where you’re confident with what works for you, you appreciate the complexities and nuances of pleasure and extend the same effort to satisfying your bedfellow. It’s a win-win.

It’s true there is a stigma around men’s need to get off being the priority over women’s pleasure, which can be perceived as secondary and therefore dismissed by both partners.

With male pleasure normalised by scenes in movies and TV, it is only in recent times that a female masturbation has even been shown in mainstream entertainment. The porn industry also depicts unrealistic sex scenes, with both male and female actors portraying pleasure with loud, over-the-top moans.

So, where does this leave women? Faking orgasms when they deserve to be feeling it for real. The first step is to communicate what they really need and desire.

It’s also important to remember that failure to orgasm doesn’t automatically equate to bad sex.

Whether either party climaxes once, multiple times or not at all shouldn’t diminish the intimacy experience.  

If we remove the looming pressure of getting off and put the focus back on each other and getting intimate, great things can occur:

Whatever the reason for faking Os, when all parties commit to shared and equal pleasure, consent and communication in the bedroom, the experience becomes better for everyone (a little lube never hurts either).

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